Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
