I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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