This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
