dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
