My liver just broke up with me...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
