Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
