god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
