DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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