And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
