he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Randomize
