the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
