and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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