i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
