was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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