I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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