he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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