we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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