We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
