he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
