go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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