What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I look better un-naked...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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