i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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