I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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