I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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