i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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