who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
