Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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