I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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