just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
