Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
