Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
