If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We are two peas in an std pod
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
