Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
