I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
