I wanna bring you to show and tell
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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