But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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