I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
