i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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