You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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