plz talk dirty to me
My first STD was from a foam party
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
