Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
