ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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