I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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