I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
