Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
