Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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