I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
