if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
