I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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