Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
