i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
