U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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