Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
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I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize