Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
