i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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