I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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