I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
