You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
