I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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